Decision Making

Here to rant and sort out some thoughts. 

Exams are over! glad that its over.. one more sem down.. the two papers arent well done.. Just praying and keeping my fingers crossed that I can do not that bad for them. I seriously dont know why my mind always get blocked during exams.. its like.. jus not being able to do the qns even tho ive studied. ok, nvm.. I will not give up.. and continue for next sem.. Half way through.. im still surviving and persevering. Jiayou!

Decision making. 

I seriously hates decision making, ttm. Even to decide where to go, what to eat.. is a chore. I hate it when i need to choose, yet i complain when i cant choose. 

Im standing in the centre of the junction right now.. Still thinking if i should go left or go right. 

Im been listed to go for a day job to do Turnaround planning, 8-5.. An entirely different jobscope. A new challenge.. 

I’ve been running through a list of Pros and Cons in my mind.. all the PULL and PUSH factors..

To go for Day work.. 

1. Don’t have to take leaves for Classes & labs
2. No more Graveyard shifts :O
3. Dont have to fight with people for OIL
4. Good experience and exposure
5. Away from Stupid and hypocritical Future FLS!

However..

1. Lesser time for revision
2. Tired, long working hours.. 
3. Long and troublesome traveling time
4. More Stressful with lots of paper work, Meetings etc
5. New people, Say Bye to old team 3.. with my dearest mentor.. 
6. No more weekday discounts and flexibility. 

Seems like.. there is quite an equal share of both. I am not good with making decisions. and..I would say, i have always made decisions that make myself regret.. After those experiences, I always tell myself.. I need to think, re think many times.. before i make a decision.. for I don’t even want to look back with regrets. Perhaps.. this is not like a die/not die kind of decision.. but still, its going to affect my life for the next 2 years. 

For this matter, i’ve been pissed off by the person who conveyed the message. Seems like this office politics is getting stronger.. and i’ve been stirred in too.

I’ve said before in my previous entries.. I’m very attached to my team.. and some of the people in it. I really like the kind of team spirit that we have.. or rather.. we had? As days go by, my view towards certain people have changed. And yups, I agreed on the part.. that Barry always tell me, Dont be too trusting on people. I know, that’s my weakness. I am not saying that Im like an angel, who sees kindness in everything. But at least, I cant think of a reason why people want to harm me. And at work, I jus want to put in efforts and give my best. Is there anything wrong with that? I said i missed the times, where the team jus had seniors.. and I am jus a small fry who is not taken into consideration in anything. I naively thought its just the people.. who have changed.. and tt’s why i am feeling different right now. Sometimes, I feel very outcasted. Perhaps I should really go for the day job.. I need a change. I need to get rid of these negativity in me. 

However, someone enlightened me and said.. its not the people.. everywhere is the same.. When u are just new, u are not a threat to anyone.. U don’t have a say in anything.. so people will treat u nice.. cos u wont be in their way. But as u progress.. ( and progress faster den others), people start to change their attitude towards u. Cos they now see u as a threat. Sometimes, helping people doesnt always come with appreciation. You might not know how the other party takes it.. positively or negatively. Sometimes, its really good to jus be neutral and take things in ur stride. 

A lot of things, Barry has warned me before.. And always.. I will listen.. but.. sometimes I do feel that he is too negative. But perhaps.. for them to have come this far, I guess they have experienced a lot of things that I have not.. and their advices are there.. so that, I wont be hurt.. because they want to protect me. 

Sometimes I just want to see things from a positive way. A lot of things, i know.. the truth just hurts. Jus like right now.. no matter what I do, I believe somehow or someway, people jus have to pass judgement..

Friends are not colleagues. 

This sentence has been ringing in my head for quite a while. And perhaps after some incidents recently, i have to agree with this sentence more. 

Friends.. in my dictionary.. there are different classes of friends.. Acquaintances are not friends, they are hi-bye people whom I don’t really care and they wont affect me. 

Normal Friends, Good Friends, Best Friends 

As I grow older, I tend to see these different bands of friends pretty differently. 

When I was younger, I have classmates as friends.. People whom I see everyday for classes, eat lunch with.. And these are people whom I studied hard with.. going through the storms of exam papers together. 

Now that im working, frankly speaking.. Sometimes as i look around me, its really hard to find someone who is always there.. and someone who really understand u. Most of the time, I tend to fall back and find my sister and my mum instead. Cos they are people who wont judge me.. Even when i cry and cry and cry… they nvr said that im very irritating and ask me to shut up. They jus listen and  help me think of various ways to re look at the situation. 

Of cos, there are people around who have always been there for me. When we say BFF( best friend Forever), who really can be there forever?  I truly appreciate all the support, care and concern, cos.. this world is really chaotic now.. and its hard to really find people .. who truly loves u for who u are. 

Back to Decision making, I still need to think about.. the modules to take in school. Take TG or not take TG?